Productivity

 I truly believe that I am blessed and cursed to have lived many different lifestyles in my short time on Earth.

It's weird to think about, but I've lived in seven different countries, and even within those countries, working at various different jobs in completely different circumstances. This made it somewhat easy to realize the different types of circumstances where I could actualize different types of things to do.

Quick examples:

When I was in my early 20s, I was working as a freelance copywriter, which meant long periods of sitting at a computer. It meant terrible health, no real hobbies to speak of, but a lot of writing got done.

In my late twenties, I was teaching at public school, which meant that I could quickly and easily leave work early and move on to other hobbies. This is easily one of the most productive times in my life, and is when I got my master's degree. I taught myself a second language and learned how to play piano.

Later on, I was working much more and having less time for hobbies or anything. I still feel like I'm in this phase of my life, when my work seems to dominate most of my time, and leaves me with less to do. I'm of two minds about this.

To begin with, a lot of this is not my fault. Convenient excuse, I know, but hear me out. Having that job where I could finish work early, live close to home, and earn a living wage left me free to pursue a lot of interests. I'm still envious of that person I was. I wonder if I'll ever be him again.

Moreover, I really believe that the internet is fucking up my life. In the span since I started writing this, I've already opened reddit and instagram. I'll probably check Twitter soon. Oh, I just got a notification that it's going to rain in about an hour. I need to take the laundry in soon.

For as much as my (our) life (lives) have been improved by constant connnectivity, it has disconnected us from our own creativity and ability to focus. These past...fuck, two and a half years of living under the pandemic should have been one of the most productive in my life. However, I think I've been crippled by being addicted to the internet.

The second thing that I'm considering now is that maybe this is my fault. Partially due to my past, where I could change my lifestyle and circumstances on a whim to suit my needs, but mainly because of a lack of drive and diligence. 

Looked at reddit again. Nothing noteworthy. Checking instagram because I got a message. Wait, now my phone is blinking. No, nevermind, it's just the same message on instagram that I just saw on my computer.

So two problems and I can fix both of them. I've been used to doing things under the best possible circumstances, and personally, I need to stop that. I want to write, I want to be here, and I want to improve my communication skills, but I've been hyper focused on getting in the right headspace, the right cafe, with the right laptop, the right food in my stomach and drink by my side. It's excessive, and I need to get better.

That's why I'm here today. I feel a bit sick after surgery on Sunday, but I wanted to write something, anything, just to prove that I can.

Second, I need to work on disconnecting. I used to be (and maybe you too) so in touch with the things around me, and engaging with the world. I used to have focus, and I've lost that in favor of...memes. I can't change the world, but at least I can work on improving myself.