Saying Stupid Bullshit for Fun and Profit

 The following message is for Dr. Ibram X. Kendi, internationally acclaimed historian and anti-racist activist, about how to make a ton of money. A ton of it. It is ONLY for Dr. Kendi, so if you're not him, it's illegal for you to keep reading. Please do not read my brilliant idea on how to get rich.

I asked AI to make an image with "Ibram Kendi rich money dollar bills" and I think it did a good job.

Somewhat recently, Candance Owens was fired from the Daily Wire for reasons that I don't really care about. I'm not sure if Candance Owens is the type of person who believes the things that she says, and I think it's unimportant. She has long history of saying incendiary things for both shock value to those that disagree with her and credibility to those on the right who lack the layer of protection that a darker skin tone affords when saying disparaging things about black people. This, of course, creates an upward cycle of notoriety. The libs get triggered, which gives her more attention, which gives her more incentive to say crazier and crazier shit. It's a great racket.

I don't know why I'm explaining this to you, Dr. K. You get it. You know that the more attention these people get from those of us on the left (I know we just met, but do you mind if I call you "on the left"?) the more famous and rich they get. I hate talking about her now actually, and I hate talking about people like her, even when it feels good. 

And it does feel good, doesn't it? We've all been there. You're scrolling on your phone and someone is doing a "debunk" of one of Ben Shapiro's talking points and you're like, yeah, fuck yes, I fucking love it. Explain how he's wrong. I wanna eat it up, nom nom nom. Or someone is doing a street interview with a MAGA hat and the person gets (understandably) flustered or they say something without thinking and hell yeah, my previous biases are confirmed. I'm guilty of it. The anger and the validation is addicting, and nuance, patience and understanding is hard mental work. Sometimes, we all just want to scroll through Tiktoks of MAGA hats looking old and gross and accidentally admitting to having a drinking problem to a million followers.

This is sadly, international as well. I wanted to do some research on Zainichi Koreans -- the ethnically Korean people who are born and raised in Japan -- and found what was at the time a shocking amount of books written by Zainichi Koreans talking about how terrible Korea is, how racist Korea is, and how amazing Japan is. 

I shouldn't have been surprised. Looking back on it, I have no idea why I was. But I was. First of all, because I know, probably better than the average immigrant in Japan, how badly Zainichi Koreans are treated here. First of all, even the name "Zainichi" is a little weird. The "nichi" part of it is 日 is Japan, so that's easy, but the "zai" is 在, which just means "to stay, to be". 

Now, there's a lot to say about the terminology surrounding third culture people, those who are not only carrying two cultural heritages, but also the third one, the combination of the two which has created something new. Again, I don't know why I'm explaining this to you, Dr. Kendi, being a historian of African Americans, you will have already realized that the descendants of enslaved Africans living for several generations in the United States will have a culture related to, but distinct from African culture. In that sense, Zainichi Koreans are welcome to a name of their own, as I'm sure they feel distinct from peninsular Korean culture. It is not my place to assume how they feel, but speaking as a descendant of Polish people who was born and raised in the United States, I feel more connected to the culture of my birthplace and home for 22 years than my genetic background. I am big A American and little p polish.

Speaking of little p's, the language of "go back to your own country" has been the motto of racists around the world since borders were first created. To say that someone whose family has been living in Japan, speaking Japanese, and working in Japan for generations is just "residing" in Japan, strikes me as inherently discriminatory. It's especially weird because the word Nikkan 日韓 exists in Japan already, used to describe the diplomatic relationship between Japan and Korea. Seems to me that it would be a very short leap to use the word Nikkanjin 日韓人, Japanese-Korean person, to describe someone ethnically Korean but born and raised in Japan.

But whatever, we're not here to talk semantics, Dr. Kendi, we're here to talk money, baby. From what I've been discussing so far, you may think that you know where I'm going with this: The Minority Mouthpiece, the inflammatory provocateur saying things that the WOKE LEFT can't handle, but also it's cool because they're black. You put down your pronouns and pick up your anti-nouns. Renounce your leftist, anti-racist ways and write a tell-all book denouncing the NAACP for a million dollars. Tell everyone that you used to be a liberal, but then someone was mean to you online so now you hate black people and you will get every contract available from the Daily Wire. "Don't call me Dr. Ibram X. Kendi anymore," you might say. "I will only answer to Mr. Ivan White from now on." Title your next book something like, Why Talking about Race Makes you the Real Racist because MLK said Something about Content of Character or Whatever." That title needs workshopping, but you get it.

This could be you, Ivan.

However, this is not my real plan, because it's clear at this point that this gimmick has been played out. If the strategy has come to Japan and people here are writing books about how terrible Korean people are and how the only good culture is Japanese culture, then the scam is widespread at this point. And if the scam is widespread, there's no more money to be made in it. You don't want to be the last asshole in the world buying NFTs.

No, instead, play their same game, but for the left. Why have we not been doing this already? I never get why "our side" are filled with people like you, Dr. Kendi, people who are thoughtful and intelligent, when we could spout off a bunch of bullshit to make people angry on the right.

For real, why do we pull our punches? We spend too much time worrying about looking dignified and then getting pissed off by some jackass saying something disgusting about trans people when we should just start saying disgusting shit about conservatives. If you get on Twitter right now and say, "I don't want a conservative white woman molesting my kids in the bathroom," people would lose their shit. You would get even more famous and more importantly, even richer.

Open up your phone, say something funny about rednecks, and cash paychecks for the rest of your life.